Wouldn’t it be great if your baby came with an instruction book? A book that described your baby’s every face and action and what they meant? Well, if you look closely you’ll see that you really can “read” your baby like a book! Your little one is born with a special language they want you to know — it’s the language of sounds and movement.
In fact, knowing your baby’s “language” — also called cues — can help them grow and develop in a healthier way. Research done at the University of California, Davis with the California WIC Program found that when parents understand what their baby is “saying,” breastfeeding is more successful and overfeeding is less likely. When parents understand their baby’s language, they can respond to their babies quicker, which can mean less crying, less stress and a happier family.
Why do Babies Cry?
Crying is a baby’s superpower — after all, who can ignore a baby’s cry? But, before a baby begins to cry, they will first try to “tell” you in other ways that they need something. If baby’s needs aren’t met, they will tell you they really need something to be different by crying. Once a baby cries, it takes a while to calm them to find out what they need. By paying attention to their cues, you can keep the tears away and save time and stress.
Reasons Babies Cry
Sometimes it may be hard to know exactly what a crying baby is trying to tell you. Many parents think that when babies cry, it always means they’re hungry, but actually, there are many reasons that babies cry:
- Dirty diaper
- Tummy ache
- Too hot or too cold
- Uncomfortable such as clothes or blanket too tight
- Tired or sick
- Scared or startled
- Too much light
- Too much noise
- Bored or lonely
- Hungry
- Wants to be near you
- Too many people
- Needs a break, or something to be different
How to Read Your Baby
If you pay attention to your baby’s cues, you can often figure out what they want or need early on and keep your baby from crying. Some of their cues may be hard to spot, so watch closely!
“I’m Hungry”
These are some ways your baby tells you they’re hungry:
- Makes sucking noises
- Puckers lips
- Keeps hands near mouth
- Sucks on fist or fingers
- Searches for the nipple (rooting)
- Bends arms and legs
- Pull hands and knees toward face
- Cries if other cues are ignored
“I Want to be Near You”
When your baby is happy with what they are doing, they show it. They enjoy hearing you talk and sing or they may just want to watch what you are doing. These cues mean your baby wants to be with you:
- Has a relaxed face and body
- Follows your voice and face
- Reaches toward you
- Stares at your face
- Raises their head
- Looks happy
“I Need Something to Be Different”
Babies get tired easily — learning and playing is hard work! Don’t be surprised if after a few minutes of happily watching you, they show that they need a break:
- Breathes faster
- Moves hand to ear
- Extends fingers
- Looks away, turns body away
- Arches back
- Frowns or has a glazed look
- Stiffens hands, arms or legs
- Yawns or falls asleep
- Cries
Babies sometimes show signs of both wanting to be near you and needing something to be different — this can be confusing! Also, a baby’s movements and sounds can change very quickly so it’s important to watch closely and look for a pattern to their cues.
Keep in mind that newborns cry one to four hours a day — and sometimes for no reason besides trying to adjust to their new environments! Don’t take your baby’s crying personally and stay relaxed. You can’t “spoil” a baby; responding to cues quickly will make them feel secure and happy. Remember, Happy Baby — Happy Family!
“I’m full.”
This is how your baby tells you they are finished eating:
- Sucks slower or stops sucking
- Relaxes hands and arms
- Turns away from the nipple
- Pushes away
- Falls asleep
- Cries if not allowed to stop eating
When it gets confusing:
Sometimes when a baby gets fussy during a feeding, you may think they’re telling you they want to eat more. This is when parents sometimes encourage a baby to keep nursing or finish the bottle but what they are really saying is they need something to be different.
Your baby may be telling you:
- I’m finished eating
- I need you to change my position so I can nurse better
- The flow of breast milk or formula is too fast
- I’m gassy and need to burp
- I need a diaper change
How to Calm a Crying Baby
Sometimes babies just cry — learning how to sooth them is an important job for new parents! Here are a few ideas:
Repeat the Same Action Over and Over Again:
- Hum or sing softly to your baby
- Rock in a chair or while standing
- Rub your baby’s back
- Provide background noise, like from a fan
Cuddle and Hold:
- Holding or rocking skin-to-skin
- Swaddling
Change of Scenery:
- Take a quick walk outside with baby
- Face baby towards a window to look out
- Take baby for a car ride in their car seat
Be patient. It may take a few minutes of doing the same thing for your baby to calm down. If you feel yourself getting angry, take a break. Never shake your baby — instead:
- Put your baby in their crib or bassinet.
- Leave the room and take some deep breaths.
- Once you have calmed down, try to soothe your baby again, or get a friend or partner to help.
